On Saturday nights, every restaurant and bar in Chicago resembles it's own little island. Hoards of single men and women are crowded into a hot, cramped space hoping to make it to their final destination. However, the difference between men and womens' final destination seems to be pretty different. Dating has, it seems, regressed and become a game to everyone involved.
Have you ever read or seen the movie "He's Just Not That Into You"? Where they clearly define what happens in the dating world: the serious relationship, the fling, the fall back, that "crazy" person, etc., etc., etc. It's a must read (or see) for any girl today because dating is no longer just dating. It has become a circus full of death-defying acts, stunts that make people cringe or laugh, and there's always a ring leader. Sometimes that person standing in the middle with a microphone is you while you call the shots; While other times, it's someone else announcing, then making you, jump through hoops so you may possibly get noticed somehow by the crowd.
It seems that men in the dating world have devolved from the last time I visited it. Maybe someone else out there also agrees? I've taken the time to reflect on my past relationships and I have had 3 serious enough relationships to discuss. With my first boyfriend, we decided we liked one another and we were an item for a year. It was that simple. My second boyfriend, we went on a few dates, decided we liked one another and BAM! We were an item for a year. Then finally, my last serious boyfriend.. Well, we dated for several months, really liked one another, and we became an item. We were together for sometime. Then after that break-up, I've completely avoided commitment in fear of the usual… Rejection blah blah, heartbreak blah blah. Whatever. But seriously, it was that easy.
But now that I'm semi-reemerging into the relationship scene, it's nothing as simple as what I went through in the past and after really looking at the (my) dating timeline I noticed something: [good] relationships are harder to come by than Sasquatch dancing ballet with a Unicorn. With Elvis, Walt Disney and the ever elusive Osama Bin Laden in the audience. After being out on several dates with different guys, I've noticed something else that I have heard and totally tried to deny, until it's validity struck me like a big yellow school bus: Dating. Is. A. Game.
Seriously.
And it doesn't just begin after the first date. It begins from the get go. The courting, the cutesy (puke) text messages. The constant thoughts on whether you're responding too fast (because you don't want him to think you're too needy), or if you're not responding quick enough (you don't want him to think you aren't interested). Then the date itself with constantly over analyzing things. Should I brush his arm with my hand? Should I giggle cooly, maybe toss my hair? (puke) Then comes extra overanalyzing after the date is said and done. Should I have done that? Should I have done this differently? If he doesn't text right away should I? Do I wait the allotted "3 Day" rule? Maybe he was uninterested. Maybe I was uninterested. I don't know, let's date for 6 months, never become an official couple and then break up over something stupid like his inability to convert to MP3 instead of listening to CDs.
Seriously. It's fucking exhausting.
Not to mention freaks in the circus like the guy I met the other day who would not leave me alone while I was grocery shopping. I brushed him off several times before I became annoyed, and politely said, "Please take the hint." To which his response was, "I'm not one for taking hints." I'm sure there are plenty of ways to get out of this situation comfortably, but what I was astonished by was this guys persistence and inability to accept the answer "No." Maybe he considered this cute, considered it courting me. However, to me, and I assume most girls, this situation just makes you uncomfortable. His persistence did not make me feel special, or wanted, it made me feel like an object. Perhaps some girls find this flattering. I have had conversations with some of my girlfriends who find it funny that they are whistled at, or constantly hit on at a bar. Others find this to be a waste of time and annoying, while they roll their eyes, flip their hair and ignore the taunts completely. Not me. Please leave me alone while I'm deciding which tampons to buy and what food I'm going to eat later in self pity, please and thank you. I don't ask for much.
All I know, and have come to the conclusion of, is that men are creeps who are really good at this dating game. It seems that men have lost any and all sense of what it takes to treat a lady like she deserves. Maybe it's because women have lost the sense of what it's like for a gentlemen to treat her like a lady so she lowers her standards? Or perhaps it's a lady not acting very lady-like that lowers the male expectations? Don't get me wrong, I know it takes two to tango but why, as a society, do we find the "hunt" at a bar to be exhilarating? Why is being crammed into a packed bar like sardines considered a fun way to spend a Friday night? Why does it seem like love in dating is faltering? And why is everyone okay with making dating and love a game? Come on everyone, let's try something new! Let's be real for once and up front with one another. You like me? I like you! Sweet. It really can be that simple but... Instead...
Welcome, my friends, to the age of un-innocence. Where no one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember.
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