Prior to my voyage, I googled "helpful tips on tanning in a bed for beginners." Hey, you have to start somewhere, right? (Yes, before you say anything you could say I am a google addict. There are so many studies that are revealing people of our generation are becoming dumber due to our insane addiction to technology and having all of the answers literally in the palm of our hands when needed. I know people who literally don't know how to get themselves home because of their dependency on GPS. My downfall is googling everything. Ev-a-ree-thang.)
With my newly found knowledge on tanning, I excitedly, and reluctantly, lotion up before I left the house and made the treacherous journey 4 blocks east. Like a wide-eyed lemur I walked inside Xotic Tan and asked the super skinny, super tan, early twenty-something gal a few questions while making a mental note I do not want to be that tan. Gross. She walked me back to the room and gave me basic instructions. I applied my tanning oil, hopped in the bed and had a mild claustrophobic attack before settling in and enjoying my "me" time. Before I knew it, my time was up and I took a look in the mirror. Awww, I did tan a bit and that little heart sticker did, in fact, leave the cutest little tan-line. And awww, oh shit, my back is burned. Damn it.
Leading me to the question: Why do women (and some metro-sexual men) (and the homo's [holla gurl!]) pay well earned money to burn themselves for a week or so of a mediocre tan? Which lead me to the other questions: why do women diet and starve themselves to be skinner, or pay hundred of dollars to highlight their already natural beautiful hair, etc.? Is it all in self-vein, or simply trying to fit in to an already vein society? Leading me to the conclusion: Too many people buy things they don't need with money they don't have to impress people they don't know. I mean, don't get me wrong here. I am exactly the type of person I described. I payed for a month of tanning. I do occasionally buy Crest Whitening strips. Along with currently being on the Paleo diet and hating my life Sunday-Friday because I can't have that cheese on my fucking salad or that delicious damn pasta that's been taunting me in the pantry just waiting to be cooked the second I cave in.
But why? Sub-conciously am I trying to look my "best" according to societies standards to attract a man, like a gazelle attracts a hungry lion? I mean, probably. But am I also trying to look my best due to these standards so I imagine myself to just be prettier? I, just like any other girl, do the MeanGirls stand-in-front-of-the-mirror-and-pick-out-different-parts-of-my-physique-I-dislike-and-chose-to-change. "I should be tanner," "Jesus I need a pedicure," "Oh, hellooooo Yetti, time for that eyebrow wax," "Oh boy, that gut is reaaaally beginning to protrude there, Champ."
I don't know. I could sound cliche here and say you shouldn't have to sacrifice who you are just because somebody may, or may not, have a problem with it. Think about it, the honest to God truth is, at any given moment maybe there is someone somewhere that is making a face about you. But it's the reviews you give yourself that matter, right? So if you feel better gettin yo tan on, girl, then you go get it. And you know what? I'm gettin' my tan on and nails did tomorrow. So instead of looking at that scar that you have like it's the ugliest thing you've ever seen, or that mole you wish was never there, or hating your freckles, or wishing your were taller, skinnier, blah, blah, blah... Simply just smile because you're beautiful..... And I am seriously sunburned. Does anyone have any aloe?
No? Alright.
Oh, and for anyone interested in reading an article about how we're becoming a stupid generation, here ya go: http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2012/11/13/dumb-and-dumber-study-says-humans-are-slowly-losing-their-smarts
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