GoFlorist.com, The Review

Dear Mike Lawrence (Miguel Lopez Arellano, as your linkedin states),

I love ordering flowers for my mom, and ordering through your company sure has taken the cake!

Look at this Mike. Just look at it:

You don't get to a position like yours, Mike, with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the order confirmation on that picture. I'm sure you'll be fascinated to hear that price that I agreed to pay, Mike, actually ended up being more just a short hour later when I got a phone call from your company stating that it had risen to $37. Now, Mike, I was raised strictly, neatly, and politely by my mother and despite that number not being what I agreed to-- I let it go with the promise I would get same day delivery to my poor, poor mother who is in ICU 2,000 miles away from her favorite daughter (me, Mike, I'm her favorite). Anyway, my mothers love for me is irrelevant at the moment. 

Imagine being a twelve year old, Mike. Now imagine it's Christmas morning and you're given your final present to open. It's a big one, and you know what it is. It's that stereo you wrote Santa about. Only, you open the present and it's not in there. It's your guinea pig, Mike. It's your guinea pig in a box and it's not breathing. That's how I felt when I got a phone call from your company the next day saying there was a delivery problem. Quickly, we amended the problem (Apparently you Silly Sally's got the address wrong! I know how tough it is to go to "Saint Joseph Hospital" in Denver, Colorado, when there's only one hospital by that name in the entire city! It sure is easy to misconstrue nonexistent multiple addresses like that!)

Now I know what you're thinking because it's probably exactly what I was thinking too! Boy, I sure bet the company got it right after the two following phone calls that Saturday! Well Mike, we are [were] both wrong. But, don't fret, I gave them the proper address again on that second phone call on Saturday (10/5/2013) and I had the utmost confidence that they would surely get it right this time! Sunday came and went and I had heard nothing from your company so I was feeling pretty confident my order had finally been settled and figured out.

At the very least, my only options were to simply wait it out until I was able to speak with my mother just as soon as she was well enough or wait for another phone call from "Orange County Area" (949) 481-3596 [Monday, 10/7], "Orange Country Area" (949) 542-7654 [Monday], "Orange County Area" (949) 361-7918 [I heard from this number x2 on Monday, aren't I lucky!?], "Orange County Area" (949) 481-3596 [Friday], or "Orange County Area" (949) 361-7915 [Friday]. I'll admit, there were more telephone numbers in there, but Mike, that's a lot of typing that I'm not devoted to doing right now.

But what happened surpassed my wildest expectations, Mike: 

Yes! Another phone call on Monday from your "Orange County" minions saying there was another "problem" encountered and the delivery was yet to actually be, what do you call it again? Delivered? I think that's the correct word, right? Delivered, where you pay someone for something and pay them additionally for their service to actually hand off the paid item to the proper person? That sounds accurate, correct me if I'm wrong, Mike. You are a much smarter human than I, of that I am sure. After all, not everyone can run such a fully functioning company as well as you. 

What was the problem this time you ask, Mike? I'm so glad you did! I was told I needed to spend an additional $40 to have the flowers delivered due to price fluctuations around the country and "especially in Colorado." You see, the unfortunate thing for your company, is not only am I from Denver and I know this to be untrue, but I have ordered flowers before from venders in Colorado (and nationwide, Mike) who had no problems taking my initial $40, making it work AND have it delivered on the same day! I'm sure the idea seems daunting Mike; especially since it's advertised on your website and also reiterated on the confirmation e-mails you send out. You must be completely overwhelmed with mass amounts of orders, and that's where my understanding nature came in and I wasn't completely aggravated until Saturday evening when I received my second call of the day from your incompetent workers.

Finally, after a total 11 phone calls in 72 hours (we're up to 17 now on Wednesday), I gave up Mike. Please don't tell my mother as I'm sure she'd rather not think of her favorite daughter as a quitter, but Mike, please tell me what else I could have done? After speaking to a "manager", and please don't take offense to this Mike but I'm almost certain she wasn't really a manager, I was quite disgruntled and cancelled my order. I cancelled it Mike. I also took reassurance in the fact that when I asked for a refund the "manager" told me that my card was never charged. But Mike, after checking my bank statement shortly after we hung up (I admit, I hung up on her so please do tell her I apologize... kind of) my account was in fact, despite your "managers" claims, charged. How can this be Mike? How can this be when she said I was never charged? So now I have a hole in my heart and a hole in my bank account Mike. So I'm disgruntled on top of being disgruntled which is making me more disgruntled. And I don't like being disgruntled Mike. I really don't.

I don't want you to worry about my money too much, though, Mike, as I've contacted my bank, VISA, and the Better Business Bureau and they'll all be contacting you shortly. Mike, as my mothers favorite child, I'm positive she is going to be quite upset I've wasted my time dealing with ignorant, condescending liars who take me to be as stupid as the people you have hired to run your company. So I'm just not going to tell her. While being in the hospital with congestive heart failure, my concern is that if she hears what you're company has tried to pull, it may actually kill her. Do you want that on your conscious Mike? I sure wouldn't. What I will say is, boy, she sure would have loved those flowers I chose for her. It looks like I probably should have just snail mailed a care package, or walked a card to her myself from Chicago, IL, as it would have gotten there quicker than your false promises and s***ty overpriced flowers (Please excuse the bleep there, I was raised to be a lady).

As I said at the start, I love ordering flowers and not just for my mother specifically. It's a shame such a simple thing like delivery in a timely manner, the whole point of your company really, could bring it crashing to it's knees. 

Yours (not-so) Sincerely, 

Lillian Wetherington

Fall Is A Real Bag Of Dicks

Hey nerds! Guess who has two thumbs, speaks limited french and is sadly realizing summer is over? This moi!

This morning, after my shower, I stood staring in my closet wrapped in a towel. Just staring. Staring at my sweaters, staring at my long sleeve tops, staring at the boots I love so, so much. Staring with a sense of dread and reluctance I didn't anticipate. Fall, already? We hardly had a summer. How was it just 90 degrees 2 days ago and the week ahead is low 60's? It's like a hormonal swing: HOW DOES THIS WORK? I WAS JUST GOING TO BASEBALL GAMES, CONCERTS AND DRINKING ON PATIOS! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? THIS ISN'T FAIR!

 

Not to mention that along with the blubber cover, school starts. In fact, I've been in school for almost an entire month now. Talk about a downer and a real bag of dicks. My heart aches, my brain hurts, I have little stress wrinkles in my forehead… If you've met me, you know that I don't get stressed about stupid school. Old Lillie shrugs off homework until the day before and she also laughs at the face of danger. Not the new Lillie, no no no. She is organized, and well rounded, and tries really hard. Pshffff, who am I? (New Lillie also goes out on Saturday nights until 5 A.M. [I guess that makes it Sunday morning], drinks more Fireball than I can count on 3 fingers, dances her face off, loses at pool and is followed by eating Mexican food at a 24 hour place. My new skills also include falling in love with people I can't have, and eating 5x the suggested serving size. So, yeah, don't fret, New Lillie is awesome.)

I guess this post is just a humble tribute to my summer this year. It was spent filled with some pretty awesome people, some amazing times that I'll always remember (except those ones I forgot), and I can't not mention the BBQ's and margaritas that were had. 

 

However, It is time to bid adiue to the amazing season (and my poor Sperry's I lost somewhere on the beach…. I'll never let go. I'll never let go… )and say that I'm actually pretty excited for the beginning of fall! I have such a super trip planned to Nashville with 2 of my best girlfriends, a trip north to Michigan with the best group of friends anyone could ever have (seriously, challenge me on this, I dare you), and the further into fall we go, the closer I get to seeing my extra favorite people in Boston. The countdown is on! 

So for all of my other friends who are just starting school, or who have been going for a few weeks, let's keep on keeping on… Only 12 more weeks to go. Just….  *sigh* 12. Now I'm off to go write the 3 papers I was assigned last week that are due next week, and study my face off for the 10-15 page exam I have tomorrow morning at 10 A.M. Now let's just pretend I was studying the whole time and was never here *switches wig, runs off*

Relationships, Dating and Partial Lobotomies: What's Worse?

On Saturday nights, every restaurant and bar in Chicago resembles it's own little island. Hoards of single men and women are crowded into a hot, cramped space hoping to make it to their final destination. However, the difference between men and womens' final destination seems to be pretty different. Dating has, it seems, regressed and become a game to everyone involved.

Have you ever read or seen the movie "He's Just Not That Into You"? Where they clearly define what happens in the dating world: the serious relationship, the fling, the fall back, that "crazy" person, etc., etc., etc. It's a must read (or see) for any girl today because dating is no longer just dating. It has become a circus full of death-defying acts, stunts that make people cringe or laugh, and there's always a ring leader. Sometimes that person standing in the middle with a microphone is you while you call the shots; While other times, it's someone else announcing, then making you, jump through hoops so you may possibly get noticed somehow by the crowd.

It seems that men in the dating world have devolved from the last time I visited it. Maybe someone else out there also agrees? I've taken the time to reflect on my past relationships and I have had 3 serious enough relationships to discuss. With my first boyfriend, we decided we liked one another and we were an item for a year. It was that simple. My second boyfriend, we went on a few dates, decided we liked one another and BAM! We were an item for a year. Then finally, my last serious boyfriend.. Well, we dated for several months, really liked one another, and we became an item. We were together for sometime. Then after that break-up, I've completely avoided commitment in fear of the usual… Rejection blah blah, heartbreak blah blah. Whatever. But seriously, it was that easy.

But now that I'm semi-reemerging into the relationship scene, it's nothing as simple as what I went through in the past and after really looking at the (my) dating timeline I noticed something: [good] relationships are harder to come by than Sasquatch dancing ballet with a Unicorn. With Elvis, Walt Disney and the ever elusive Osama Bin Laden in the audience. After being out on several dates with different guys, I've noticed something else that I have heard and totally tried to deny, until it's validity struck me like a big yellow school bus: Dating. Is. A. Game.

Seriously.

And it doesn't just begin after the first date. It begins from the get go. The courting, the cutesy (puke) text messages. The constant thoughts on whether you're responding too fast (because you don't want him to think you're too needy), or if you're not responding quick enough (you don't want him to think you aren't interested). Then the date itself with constantly over analyzing things. Should I brush his arm with my hand? Should I giggle cooly, maybe toss my hair? (puke) Then comes extra overanalyzing after the date is said and done. Should I have done that? Should I have done this differently? If he doesn't text right away should I? Do I wait the allotted "3 Day" rule? Maybe he was uninterested. Maybe I was uninterested. I don't know, let's date for 6 months, never become an official couple and then break up over something stupid like his inability to convert to MP3 instead of listening to CDs.

Seriously. It's fucking exhausting. 

Not to mention freaks in the circus like the guy I met the other day who would not leave me alone while I was grocery shopping. I brushed him off several times before I became annoyed, and politely said, "Please take the hint." To which his response was, "I'm not one for taking hints." I'm sure there are plenty of ways to get out of this situation comfortably, but what I was astonished by was this guys persistence and inability to accept the answer "No." Maybe he considered this cute, considered it courting me. However, to me, and I assume most girls, this situation just makes you uncomfortable. His persistence did not make me feel special, or wanted, it made me feel like an object. Perhaps some girls find this flattering. I have had conversations with some of my girlfriends who find it funny that they are whistled at, or constantly hit on at a bar. Others find this to be a waste of time and annoying, while they roll their eyes, flip their hair and ignore the taunts completely. Not me. Please leave me alone while I'm deciding which tampons to buy and what food I'm going to eat later in self pity, please and thank you. I don't ask for much.

All I know, and have come to the conclusion of, is that men are creeps who are really good at this dating game. It seems that men have lost any and all sense of what it takes to treat a lady like she deserves. Maybe it's because women have lost the sense of what it's like for a gentlemen to treat her like a lady so she lowers her standards? Or perhaps it's a lady not acting very lady-like that lowers the male expectations? Don't get me wrong, I know it takes two to tango but why, as a society, do we find the "hunt" at a bar to be exhilarating? Why is being crammed into a packed bar like sardines considered a fun way to spend a Friday night? Why does it seem like love in dating is faltering? And why is everyone okay with making dating and love a game? Come on everyone, let's try something new! Let's be real for once and up front with one another. You like me? I like you! Sweet. It really can be that simple but... Instead...

Welcome, my friends, to the age of un-innocence. Where no one has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember. 

Playing Devils Advocate. Also, Stop Being Such Whiners.

Have you ever intentionally avoided someone on the street because you know they are out waiting for stupid and/or very polite people to dupe into listening to them yammer about their religion, their cause or, heaven forbid, why they need a donation. Have you ever been aggravated by someone who seemingly has such a strong opinion on something but simply have no facts to back it up? Have you ever logged on to Facebook and seen someone consistently post about the fact that they feel belittled in life, and because of their race they just truly aren't accepted or appreciated, or given equal opportunity? 

Take a stereotype about a minority–pick which ever one you like–and ask yourself whether you’ve really ever experienced anything that resembles that type of characterization. If your answer is “no”, chances are you’re lying to yourself. The fact is that stereotypes, for better or worse, are often simply exaggerations of reality–not completely baseless fairy tales. So while it would obviously be inappropriate to portray an entire group of people as any one behavior trait, I don’t believe it is out of line to ask why that stereotype was created in the first place.

Return to the thought about race relations in the 1960s. What if I began this post by stating that although we have clearly made some good progress in the way of racial equality over the last fifty years, there is something positive to be said for the type of initiative and strength required by blacks during the Civil Rights era when they were forced to fight for the rights they enjoy today? What if I said that the actions of people in the 1960s have left this younger generation with a sense of entitlement that they don’t truly deserve? What if I said the idea of financial reparations for people my age is an absolute crock? And what if I took it one step further and maintained that I don’t feel I owe any one person anything, regardless of what my ancestors may have done to theirs?

Think I’d be viewed kindly for my thoughts? Me neither.

So for the sake of transparency, allow me to try and provide an honest answer to the initial question. In truth, most white people (of my generation, anyway) have been conditioned to believe that the group to which they belong is responsible for some horrible wrongdoings against blacks and other minorities in America. And to a certain extent, that’s correct. Some white people did systematically and maliciously violate the rights of some minorities. But that doesn’t mean that modern minorities aren’t immune to criticism when they attempt to play the race card as a justification for negative behavior. And believe me, that still happens.

I am all for providing excusing conditions for people who deserve them–I just don’t think race, in and of itself, holds the same kind of strength that it did fifty years ago. Is there still racism going on in America today? Yes. Is there still progress to be made even from a political standpoint? Of course. But to act as though we haven’t made any advancements over the last half century is to do a massive disservice to those who truly suffered on behalf of their future progeny, both white and black (and other). So let’s try to keep things in perspective. Let's also touch base on something that I do find to be offensive: When black people refer to themselves as "nigger." Despite whether you believe so or not, it is derogatory, and if you demand others see you as an equal counterpart-- don't you dare use a word that was once used to put you in your place and keep you as a lower  class of a human. There is nothing more frustrating to me than seeing someone call themselves a nigger, or a woman refer to herself as a bitch, slut or cunt. By calling yourself these things, you are giving others the right to do so. If you can't respect yourself-- don't expect others to.

In the wake of Trayvon Martin, I know that this post may spark some disagreements and arguments. Just try to listen for a hot minute, I think 100% that what happened is a total tragedy, but to be honest, I don't have enough knowledge of the situation to say one way or another what I believe really happened. And, to be honest, I don't think anyone despite the people who were in that court room really do. What I believe is that an innocent life was lost; a son, a friend, a young boy. What I believe is that man who should not have been carrying a gun, a man who should not have approached Trayvon especially after he was advised not to, did. I want justice for this poor boy and his family; but, in the court of law, they couldn't prove whether it was malicious or not. They couldn't prove whether it was self defense or not. And, despite that being a shame, it's the way our law works. Innocent. Until. Proven. Guilty.

But what about other other injustices? Like the fact that people are still so unbelievably opposed to the LGBT community, and a same-sex marriage because their religion defines marriage as one between a man and woman. To those people, our government was built around escaping religious persecution and no where in our Constitution does it say anything about marriage? What about the fact that a woman still makes about 20% less than a male who is in the same career? What about the judgement some working mothers receive by their peers because they feel the mothers' priorities are out of whack for being too focused on their children? In my eyes, a person is a person is a person. Gay, straight, lesbian, transgender, father, mother, black, white, mexican, male or female, etc. 

Anyone can find an injustice anywhere if they try hard enough. There is always going to be something, somewhere and everywhere. There are things in this world that make me sick to my stomach to hear, that I know is morally wrong. Things I can't believe that it is accepted as it is. But there is a difference between my morals and your morals, even if it's slightly different and that is why we have the law. Something the same across the board that is supposed to make it fair for all. So despite whether you agree with the Zimmerman outcome, or you think that you are treated differently because of your race or gender, I urge you to take a step back and believe in our system. If you can't, then I urge you to leave. There are so many places that are worse to be, and we all have things to be grateful for. The racial injustices of the past aren’t going anywhere, and they will never be forgotten completely. There is absolutely no escaping that, no matter how much many of us would like to. Stop whining about how oppressed you are and take a look at the injustices for others now. Remember, there are countries where having more than one daughter is against the law, countries where HIV and AIDS have infiltrated 69% of the population, countries where you aren't allowed to have an opinion or can't speak freely. There are terrible injustices, but always remember, your life is a life that so many people can only dream of having.

Please note, the fact that I wrote a post like this doesn’t make me a racist any more than my post about the craziness of women getting ready to go out made me a misogynist (despite being a woman myself). We need a reality check, if only for consistency’s sake. History is history, and while I will not accept personal responsibility for what took place back then, I always keep a close eye on how I interact with people. I may disagree with many things. I know you do too. I don't believe that people are treated equally. But, rather than bitch and moan about it, I can keep my heart happy and open. I can promise that I will raise my children to judge people not based on the outside but what is on the inside. I will raise them to be kind, and open to other people's beliefs. I will raise them to be what this world needs more of. It all starts with us and can end with us if we all work towards peace. Hate is taught and people aren't born with it. 

Going Solo... To a movie.

Occasionally I enjoy my "me" time, and will take an afternoon and see a movie by myself. I'm convinced I'm actually an 80 year old woman with my love of cardigans, boat shoes and an early afternoon matinée. I love it. I don't have to share my popcorn, I get the drink choice I want without compromising with Sprite instead of that Cherry Coke, and I get to enjoy a film without whispering back and fourth to someone about the movie as proceeds further into it's thickening plot.

Today, I purchased my ticked to see "Now You See Me". I was giddy purchasing my snacks, walking into the theater and seeing the theater completely empty. Then, as I took my seat, an elderly woman moseyed in. She stopped to look around the theater to chose what row and seat combination would offer her the best view. She paused and took a look at me then said with a big grin, "You're not alone," before slowly taking a seat of her own. I chuckled and told her I didn't mind one way or another but I was glad to have some company for the time being. After the movie was over, I left as quickly as possible, anxious to get to the car and back home to perform my random Saturday duties I had put off. As I walked into the hallway of the theater, I stopped and realized I hadn't seen the older woman leave. Without much explanation, I turned around out of curiosity and went back to find her still sitting in her seat.

I introduced myself and took a seat next to her as she spoke about her opinions of the movie. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that she knew every single actress and actors name in the film. She whizzed through all the new released movies, and movies of the past year or so that she enjoyed or truly hated. Soon, I learned her name was Esther. Esther hated The Great Gatsby because Leonardo DiCaprio is no Robert Redford. Ester really loved Silver-linings Playbook, and who can really blame her? Ester attends the movies every Saturday by herself because all of her friends have passed away. She's 90. She continued to tell me how her daughter lives out of state, but once a week they speak of the movie that they have both gone to see over the weekend "together" regardless of being 2,000 miles away!

Despite my urge to leave immediately after the movie ended, I'm thankful I turned around and took a few moments to speak to the slow, little woman who is sharp as a tack and is simply excited to have someone to share her thoughts and opinions with. After the movie, we walked out of the theater together, and dear ol' Esther gave me her phone number and insisted I call her to see a movie again sometime. Despite enjoying my quiet "me" time, I'm definitely going to call her. I'm positive I will learn so much from this woman based on what I gathered just from listening for a few moments today. My interaction with her was the highlight of my week. Who would have thought something like that could uplift someone so much?

What's Your Water?

2 goldfish were swimming in their bowl, when an elder fish swam by and asked, "How's the water today, boys?" One fish turned to the other and asked, "What's water?"

You see, as we go through our day, we get so used to our surroundings that we don't stop to think about our "water". Our days so often seem so menial, benign and unproductive. Our alarm goes off, we get up, brush our teeth, prepare for our day, eat breakfast, go to work, eat lunch, go back to work, leave from work, get caught in traffic, get home, eat dinner, maybe watch some T.V., get ready for bed, brush our teeth, go to bed. Only for the next day to repeat the process. Then the next day. Then the next. Then the next. Nothing changes and you're on the daily grind when days compose weeks, weeks compose months and months compose years, and before you know it-- you're looking at your life and wondering, "Where the fuck did time go? And why haven't I done anything significant?"

I've stood idle for a year and a half. Same job, minor life changes (a move from Florida to Illinois-- sounds significant, but major aspects of my life are exactly the same) and I've still not finished school. That's a must for me now. But, until yesterday, I didn't totally realize how idle I've been. I left my life as I knew it a year and a half ago to become a nanny, and in that time, it seems everyone and everything has changed around me... Except me. Morgan was 2 months old when I started, and I have watched her grow into a bright, stubborn, pain in my ass (that I love so much) toddler. I've watched friends get married, have kids, -or worse- both! I've watched friends get big kid jobs, accepted to grad school, move to a different state, go abroad for new adventures, begin their lives.... And it goes on and on.

All of this is happening while I stand back in awe thinking, "Man, I wish I could be doing all of that right now." Except, here's the thing, I can be. In the past I've found myself annoyed with people who are curious about how I am "doing it," when it comes to traveling from place to place and experiencing new cultures, areas and jobs. Those annoying people who say, "I wish I could but..." No.  There's absolutely no "but" involved. I recently read an article that stated, "Yeah, but..." is someone's way of making it seem like a noble excuse that they aren't traveling, or taking advantage of an awesome opportunity.  "Yeah but what about school?" "Yeah but what about a job?" "Yeah but I have a plan I need to follow." "Yeah but what about my family and friends?"

Let me just begin by saying, never ever be so faithful to your plan that you are unwilling to entertain improbable opportunity that may come looking for you. School will be there when you get back. Seriously, it is not going to uproot itself. And, if that actually does happen, I promise you, I will shit myself because I will be in a dumbfounded stupor on your behalf. Jobs will always present themselves. I know now in this economy things are tough and jobs are difficult to come by; but I can also guarantee you that along your travels you will network, you will find references, people who will offer you a job or knows someone who knows someone. At the very least, your stories and places you've been will impress potential employers. And if you are worried about your family and friends not encouraging you to travel or to take advantage of bigger opportunities or simply support you in bettering yourself... Then with friends and family like them, then who needs friends or family? It's their job as people in your life-- just like it's your job in theirs-- to support you, encourage you and guide you even if you're doing (or going to do) something stupid. Then when the inevitable does happen, and you make a mistake, help you through it. 

Life is about making mistakes. You learn from them. You grow. You don't become a different person unless you do something different and test the waters. So date the wrong people. Hell, date more than one person at a time. Take a life-altering trip that you spend all your money on. Take a random job out of state. You will learn more about yourself by doing things like this than you will by staying in your comfort zone. We all have dreams, ambitions, desires and we are all capable of obtaining them... It's just a matter of how much you truly want them. 

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step” – Martin Luther King, Jr. Be willing, and avoid worry. It may be scary, but life is about choices. Make them, and stand by your convictions. Others may question you, but if you know you are doing what's best for you, then their opinion doesn't matter. A warm and  fuzzy article like this about dreaming bigger doesn't do much if you don't implement what you learn. Be willing to jump in the middle, and work stuff out along your way. Thats what separates the doers, from the dreamers, right? Nothing is ever going to be perfect timing and sometimes things get messy but, luckily, as we have done all our life- you adapt. And if you do hit a bump in the road, don't ever think for a second that you don't have the grace, fortitude and resiliency to rethink and adapt.  Test yourself! Go! Take a leap of faith! And at the very least keep a little space in your heart, and an open mind, for the improbable opportunities. 

I don't know about you, but I know that I am not willing to live a mediocre life and dream of being somewhere different while I remain stationary because I'm comfortable. Im going to avoid the complacent and safe life, and aim for learning and adventure. So, the planning begins for me today. By this time next year, my life will be totally different. Stay tuned and watch. 

Groan Up

Do you remember anxiously awaiting turning 18 years old? Quickly declaring that you are finally an "adult," and you can do whatever you want? When, really, as an 18 year old the only thing that truly changes for you is your "bills" are finally your bills, you can get a scratch ticket, play the powerball, and maybe grab some smokes if you're up for it. After I turned 18, my friends and I went to hookah lounges all the time. It was the cool thing to do because we could. "Oh, hey guys! We're going to the hookah place off of 120th around 9:30 tonight... Oh, you're only 17? Ouch... That sucks."

Then, after the excitement of 18 wears off, you realize you actually aren't an adult because you can't drink at bars. Then the tension grows and you can't wait until you finally go the the DMV on the day of your birth, change that license and you finally go to the bar with all of your other legal friends and you are on top of the WORLD! You and all of your other friends go out every night, drink way too much, make out with way too many random people, you have embarrassing moments and black outs. Then you have one bad hangover, declare you're never drinking again. And then you start all over again the next day.

It's like If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, he just wants more and more! Just as our own human instinct to want to take things to the next level and move on to the next stage. So now, at 23, after all of my previous excitement has worn off, I'm stuck wondering: At what point do you, as an adult, really become an adult? I've heard mixed messages, from grand things that lead to change (or normalcy) in your life-- to small and minuscule things that make up your every day life. Yesterday, I had a friend tell me it is when you go furniture shopping for your own place. I've had some say when your school loans are paid off. I've had others tell me it's when you become a parent. While thinking about this, so many thoughts crossed my mind:

• Do you become an adult when you use phrases like, "For pete's sake"?
• Is it when we decide running marathons, 10ks and mud runs are actually fun? And then pay money to do it? 
• Is it when we start discussing 401k's and salary raises, and being pissed about our Christmas bonuses?
• Is it when you think of Christmas and think, "Damn, looks like I need to start saving for all the gifts I have to buy," and consider the holiday as more of a chore than anything else?
• Is it when a Spice Girls song comes on and younger people have no idea who they are? Then you die inside?
• Or when, more times than not, after a night of drinking, you crawl out of bed to move to the couch like the girl from the Grudge... Then remain there the rest of the day? 

.... I'm going with all of the above. I felt like a true adult the other day when I passed up the gossip magazine to read National Geographic and had a salad for lunch because it's "healthier," so maybe my idea is a bit off but it sure as hell felt adult! And now I'm in a perpetual state of excitement and disappointment at the same time. Gone are the days of actually staying out as long as I want at night because I have no true obligation the next day. Forever gone is the knowledge of logging on to Facebook I won't see someones child, engagement ring or nauseating wedding photos (I'm happy for you guys, really!). Adios to throwing my savings away on a impromptu trip to Europe. Auf Wiedersehen to it being acceptable that I say, "But officer, I didn't know..."

But with every closed book is a sequel. Maybe not every book, but like, the Hunger Games sequels were awesome. I guess I need a better metaphor. I guess maybe just "on to another chapter" should suffice... Now I'm an adult. Now I discuss the stock market and politics with my Grandfather when he calls. Bleh! Now I only drink half a bottle of vodka on a Saturday. And try my best to watch what I eat, and exercise every day. Now I do my laundry at least once a week AND separate by colors.

....... Despite when you become an adult, and when you actually realize you are one, my fingers are crossed for you and for me. Here's to not being the adult we all dread, individually, turning into. Whomever that may be. And becoming the awesome one that you hope you will morph into eventually. My hope is turning into the old ladies I saw last week at a club, eating shrimp skewers and drinking waaaaay too many margaritas. Judge me if you want, but you know it's awesome.